The following is a journal for my internship program, and I decided to share for those interested:
Today was my
last day of Spanish school until the end of November, and I have come to the
realization that I do not know how to speak Spanish. Of course, I have known
this all along, but as I walked home from my last class today, I realized how
little I actually know. In no way am I discouraged or complaining. In fact, I
have learned so much since I have been here, and am excited to continue to
practice each day! But still… so far to go.
Many mornings,
after Sophie and Oscar have gone off to school, I sit at the table and eat my
corn flakes while Elia sweeps and mops the floors. We struggle through
conversation as I tell her my plans for the day in my broken Spanglish. She
laughs and sometimes gives me the most bizarre stares, so who really knows what
I am actually saying. It is easy to feel like a useless person just sitting in
the house with no real purpose except for a thing for people to stare at. When
guests come over, they usually just stare at me, and ask one another if I am
able to speak. Yes, I can speak. Most of the time, I chime in and introduce
myself, my age, where I am from, etc. Other times it is not worth the struggle.
I figure they will not be able to understand me anyway, so I just continue to
sit there and play snake on my super cool prepaid phone, while they talk about
me (which I AM able to understand).
Most of the
people in this country are pretty patient. When I try to have conversations
with people, they are so willing to listen and help me along the way. Sometimes
I try to be grammatically correct, but usually just go for it and talk without
even conjugating half of the verbs… They seem to get the general point.
As my time in Spanish
school has come to a close, and I begin working in Microfinance on Monday, I am
beyond excited! I am ready to begin to build relationships with people and be
involved in the ministry full swing. Katia and Holman (the site leaders) are
both incredibly patient which is important, as I struggle to speak Spanish. I
know that building relationship and participating in the site is where my heart
lies, so I am more than ready to jump in! Throughout all of the excitement, exhaustion,
and frustration, the questions in the back of my head are still present… “How
much of an impact can you really make if you are not fluent in Spanish? If your
vocabulary is not wider than foods, common greetings, and simple verbs, how can
you build relationship on a deeper level?” But then I remembered this:
“We draw people to Christ not by loudly
discrediting what they believe, by telling them how wrong they are and how
right we are, but by showing them a light that is so lovely that they want with
all their hearts to know the source of it.”
We are not here to win people to Christ…
Especially not by throwing our religion at them. We are not here to tell them
that we are right, and they are wrong. In fact, the value of relationship does not
lie in verbal words at all. Yes, words make it easier for us to communicate our
feelings, desires, and the great news of Jesus Christ, but the value of
relationship lies in love.
Whether I am fluent in Spanish or am
unable to speak a word, it does not really matter. I do not know why we, as
humans, always think we need to have the right words or know the right thing to
say. We are all human – all sinners. Most of the time, we do not have the words
regardless of the language, country, or situation. But we are called to love as
Christ has loved us. And that is why I am here. I am here to love. I am here to
share the joy that Christ has placed in my heart. I am here so that God’s will
may be done. I pray that God may use me and stretch me in ways far beyond words.
It is through joy, through a smile, through laughter, and through love that the
light of Christ is evident to all. And that is why I am here.
