As my day of departure draws near, I find myself wondering how I got here. How did I go from attending the most amazing school, to having no set plan except to take each day as it comes?
The only answer I seem to find is simple... Jesus is in the process of wrecking my life.
I am currently reading Kisses for Katie: A Story of Relentless Love and Redemption. Every page gets better and better. It is the story of a girl who gave up everything she had and moved to Uganda. She talks of the time leading up to, during, and after her life changing decision. Although I am not dropping everything and permanently moving to Africa, I still find myself able to relate to each thing she writes.
“Run from things that can destroy your soul… complacency, comfort, and ignorance.”
This is it. This is the answer I have been looking for. God has called each of us to live a life wholly and completely devoted to Him. We must serve Him in all that we do, whether at home or on the other side of the world. I know that He has a plan for my life. He has equipped me to love Him and love others, and that is the calling on my life… but why Nicaragua and why now?
"Jesus called his followers to be a lot of things, but I have yet to find where He warned us to be safe. We are not called to be safe; we are simply promised that when we are in danger, God is right there with us. And there is no better place to be than in His hands."
Have you ever heard someone say something like “Desire peace, not comfort.”? “Never be content with where you are spiritually.” “Strive to be more, to grow deeper.” “Playing it safe in your relationship with God is a dangerous place to be.” This is truth, and this is where I have fallen short.
Azusa Pacific University is the most amazing school! I had the best freshman year I could have asked for… I loved dorm life, made amazing friends, had many adventures around LA, and learned more than I ever thought I could. But was I living my life fully dedicated to Christ?
Sure, I was living the “Christian” lifestyle, but I was much too comfortable. Chapel three times a week, Bible class twice a week, Discipleship group, Church, and Christian friends… Wow! What an amazing growth period it was for me. Nothing is wrong with constantly being surrounded by godly influences and not conforming to the patterns of this world. I hope to always be poured into like I was at APU and to always have these Christ-like relationships and mentors. Nothing was wrong about my time there! In fact, I would do it again and not change a thing. So where does the problem lie?
I believe that we are poured into, so that we may also pour into others. I was so comfortable with where I was. I was being loved, but not searching for those in need of love. Being so enthralled with my own spiritual journey, I forgot the importance of others. Sure, I loved my friends and was able to grow with them through Bible studies, late night talks, etc. APU was not too sheltering and did not place me in the Christian bubble… It was the perfect balance between the real world and a Christian environment. You could say it was perfect. But after a year of growth, it is my time to step out of my comfort zone. No more going through the motions, and no more playing it safe. God blessed me with an amazing period of growth, and it is my time to go out and use what I have learned.
Psalm 37:4 says, “Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.”
I have heard this verse plenty of times, and have memorized it in school over and over again. I thought I knew exactly what it meant. If I honor God, read my Bible, pray, and do my best to serve Him… then He will give me whatever I want or ask for. This is not what it means at all. God is not bribing me. He is not going to give me everything I want because I had my devotions or memorized my weekly verse.
"I am watching God work, and as I 'delight myself in the Lord' by doing what He asks of me and by saying yes to the needs He places in front of me, He is changing the desires of my heart and aligning them with the desires of His."
My greatest hope is that God would continue change and mold me into the person He desires for me to be. It is not about what I want, but that my mindset would be transformed into what He wants.
My last week of school was an emotional one. I was overcome with feelings that I could not interpret. It was a love for my school, but an overwhelming sense that it was not God’s plan for me to return. I experienced many long nights… God was clearly calling me somewhere else. I did not want to listen. I knew that APU was the most familiar and comfortable place I could be. I had planned to go there for the next three years of my life, and I was not about to give that up. It took many long tear filled phone calls with the people closest to me, lots of prayer, and complete surrender… No reasons why… No clue where to turn. It was the most unexplainable feeling… pure confusion. But God opened the doors, and all I had to do was say yes.
So here I am, ready to go and excited about this new journey! I still have not discovered why Nicaragua, but it really does not matter. I know it is where God wants me for the next few months, so it is where I am going to go.
Sometimes God has a much better plan for you than you create for yourself. I encourage you to let Him take control of your life. Leave your comfort zone. Whether it’s in class, at work, on the field, or on the other side of the world… wherever your passion lies… go there and love. Do not get comfortable, and do not play it safe.
Let God wreck your life… It is the most stressful, confusing, and lovely feeling in the world.
