Called to Love.

The following is a journal for my internship program, and I decided to share for those interested:

Today was my last day of Spanish school until the end of November, and I have come to the realization that I do not know how to speak Spanish. Of course, I have known this all along, but as I walked home from my last class today, I realized how little I actually know. In no way am I discouraged or complaining. In fact, I have learned so much since I have been here, and am excited to continue to practice each day! But still… so far to go. 

Many mornings, after Sophie and Oscar have gone off to school, I sit at the table and eat my corn flakes while Elia sweeps and mops the floors. We struggle through conversation as I tell her my plans for the day in my broken Spanglish. She laughs and sometimes gives me the most bizarre stares, so who really knows what I am actually saying. It is easy to feel like a useless person just sitting in the house with no real purpose except for a thing for people to stare at. When guests come over, they usually just stare at me, and ask one another if I am able to speak. Yes, I can speak. Most of the time, I chime in and introduce myself, my age, where I am from, etc. Other times it is not worth the struggle. I figure they will not be able to understand me anyway, so I just continue to sit there and play snake on my super cool prepaid phone, while they talk about me (which I AM able to understand). 

Most of the people in this country are pretty patient. When I try to have conversations with people, they are so willing to listen and help me along the way. Sometimes I try to be grammatically correct, but usually just go for it and talk without even conjugating half of the verbs… They seem to get the general point. 

As my time in Spanish school has come to a close, and I begin working in Microfinance on Monday, I am beyond excited! I am ready to begin to build relationships with people and be involved in the ministry full swing. Katia and Holman (the site leaders) are both incredibly patient which is important, as I struggle to speak Spanish. I know that building relationship and participating in the site is where my heart lies, so I am more than ready to jump in! Throughout all of the excitement, exhaustion, and frustration, the questions in the back of my head are still present… “How much of an impact can you really make if you are not fluent in Spanish? If your vocabulary is not wider than foods, common greetings, and simple verbs, how can you build relationship on a deeper level?” But then I remembered this: 

“We draw people to Christ not by loudly discrediting what they believe, by telling them how wrong they are and how right we are, but by showing them a light that is so lovely that they want with all their hearts to know the source of it.” 

We are not here to win people to Christ… Especially not by throwing our religion at them. We are not here to tell them that we are right, and they are wrong. In fact, the value of relationship does not lie in verbal words at all. Yes, words make it easier for us to communicate our feelings, desires, and the great news of Jesus Christ, but the value of relationship lies in love.

Whether I am fluent in Spanish or am unable to speak a word, it does not really matter. I do not know why we, as humans, always think we need to have the right words or know the right thing to say. We are all human – all sinners. Most of the time, we do not have the words regardless of the language, country, or situation. But we are called to love as Christ has loved us. And that is why I am here. I am here to love. I am here to share the joy that Christ has placed in my heart. I am here so that God’s will may be done. I pray that God may use me and stretch me in ways far beyond words. It is through joy, through a smile, through laughter, and through love that the light of Christ is evident to all. And that is why I am here.

Week Three

Hello again. The last week or so has held so much, I do not even know where to begin. Brace yourselves… this could be a very rambling blog post! Saturday was Independence Day for all of Central America. The morning began with a parade throughout Masaya. It was much like an Independence Day parade in the States but with no order. People were crowding central park for no apparent reason. To avoid all the confusion and disorder, we sat down to enjoy a couple of fresh fruit smoothies. 

The children in the parade marched down the street, but rather than in an orderly fashion, it seemed like mass chaos.  Crowds of people pushed and shoved to get by. We had to climb up on a fence to even see what was happening in the street. When the students excel in school, or make the “honor roll”, they get the privilege of walking in the parade. It was adorable to see little girls, three and four years of age, dressed up in costumes and dancing their hearts out. The smiles on their faces were priceless. Teenage boys marched in matching uniforms playing drums, trumpets, etc. It was obvious they had practiced for weeks, even months, for this moment. You could tell they were so proud of who they were and what they had accomplished. What an honor it was for them to be marching in front of their city because of their own personal success in school.

 

Saturday afternoon was a much needed day of relaxation. We spent the day at the SI base with Krista and Caleb, the young American couple that lives there. We swam, worked on homework, studied, and played cards. For dinner we ate hot dogs, Doritos, and chocolate chip cookies… and it was AMAZING. Never in my life did I think a hot dog and chips could be so satisfying.  Although I love my host family and the Nicaraguan culture, it is so nice to have a break once in a while. 

Sunday, Austin and Jill drove us to Managua to attend an English speaking church. It was the strangest thing to see a room full of white people, speaking perfect English. Not a word of Spanish was spoken anywhere. It was like pure culture shock all over again! Although I believe it is important to fully engage in the culture and language of Nicaragua, nothing was more refreshing than going to church and actually understanding what in the world was going on. 

Monday, after school, we went to Granada. First, we walked around the city for a while and bought some gelato.

Next, we learned of the Granada Islets. The Mombacho Volcano is a huge volcano near Granada that borders Lake Nicaragua. There are about 365 tiny islands in the lake, thought to have resulted from an eruption of the Mombacho Volcano thousands of years ago. The four of us (Austin, Jill, Austin, and I) climbed into a tiny boat, along with a tour guide to see these beautiful islands. The islands are very close together, so they almost have their own little community. 

Families may buy an island and build their own mansion. As we went around to the different islands, our tour guide knew the story of each. The richest family in all of Nicaragua, famous for their wealth, had a vacation house on one island. Restaurant owners, business owners, wealthy Americans… the list goes on and on. It was bizarre to see a huge, absolutely stunning vacation home, right next to a shack where boys were sitting in the mud and fishing with only a stick and a piece of string. 

 

When we came around a corner, we saw a boat, two jet skis, and a bunch of tubes. There was an older, white haired couple on the island surrounded by the sweetest little brown faces. Our tour guide told us that this was a Christian, American couple who had bought an island after retirement. They built a house on it, purchased a couple of jet skis, and invited all of the children in the surrounding homes over. It was like they had become the grandparents of a small village. It was precious to see the “grandpa” on a jet ski, pulling the boys on a tube, while the girls sat on the edge of the island with the “grandma” eating cookies and laughing. What a creative and personal ministry this couple has created, right out of their own home.

Monday night I began to feel very strange. I was completely exhausted, more than I can even begin to explain. Tuesday morning I began getting ready for school, but my entire body ached. Even after almost thirteen hours of sleep, I wanted nothing more than to take a nap! My temperature was over 101, so I decided it probably was not the best idea to go to school. After taking some medicine, I slept for the entire day. Sophie brought me chocolate corn flakes and fever reducer, Elia made me soup and tea, Austin stopped by to check in on me, and Krista and Caleb brought me Gatorade to make sure I was rehydrating. The amount of love and concern these people have for me is amazing! Being sick away from home is usually terrible, but I felt completely comfortable here in my new home and resting in my new bed. 

After sleeping for hours, watching half of a movie, Skyping Jeffrey multiple times throughout the day and my family in the evening, I was finally starting to feel better. I probably left my bed for a total of ten minutes in over 36 hours, but I healed quickly! I am so thankful for all of the family and friends I have… for each of you who have been praying for me. I know that it could have potentially been much worse! 

Only two more days of Spanish school and we are finally on to work in the sites. Even though I can hardly speak or understand any Spanish at all, I don’t care. I am ready to get back into micro finance and hopefully be able to use what I learned in school to communicate with the ladies and children. Thank you so much for your prayers, support, and encouraging words… I have definitely been blessed by them, and need them so much!

Two Weeks Down!

Wow. This last week has been fun, relaxing, busy, exhausting, and refreshing all in one. After starting Spanish school last Monday, things have been very laid back. Our school is just a few blocks from my house so I walk there each morning. Classes are Monday through Friday 9 AM-12 PM, with the rest of the day free. Originally, I thought that the days would be easy since school only lasted for three hours each day, but I could not have been more wrong. Spanish is EXHAUSTING. 

My teacher’s name is Bismarck. He is awesome! He is a local here in Masaya, and absolutely loves what he does. He does speak some English, but chooses to speak only Spanish for our sake. It really helps me to learn when I am forced to figure it out, rather than just answering in English. Bismarck reminds me a lot of my high school Spanish teacher, Mr. Haase. He is just a short little man with an overwhelming love for people, and a love for Spanish. The way that he teaches us, his sense of humor, his stories, and his incredible patience… Just like Mr. Haase… and I love it!  He makes it clear that he cares about us, and enjoys hearing about the things we enjoy. 

Alex and Maria Teresa also help with our classes at the school.  Our learning experience is extremely based on conversation. We spend the first part of class learning new verbs or tenses, but a majority is spent conversing with one another and getting to know each other while learning so many words and phrases along the way. 

After just one week in school, I have learned so much! I still struggle to communicate sometimes, but I can already tell I am improving. Conversing with my host family can sometimes be difficult. My host sister, Sophie, speaks some English so she chooses to speak it with me a lot. My host mom speaks so fast that I am not always able to understand, and when she repeats herself, instead of slowing down, she just gets louder and louder and louder! Sophie finally explained to her that I am not deaf, only American, and that if she slows down, we could have a nice conversation. Her mom now constantly yells, “SOPHIE, SOLO ESPANOL!!!” so that I may finally practice my Spanish with her.

When I am not in school, I have plenty of time to explore this beautiful country I am living in! 

Mercado de Artesanias

Lago de Masaya

Parque Central

Almost every night it rains... and when it rains, it pours! A couple nights ago, it rained so loud that even when we were yelling, we could not hear each other. The thunder shakes the house and the lighting lights up the entire sky. It is truly incredible! 

The roads flood within minutes, and rivers just flow through the streets. 

Yesterday, my family and I got the privilege to take a trip to San Juan Del Sur. It is a beautiful beach about 2 hours away from Masaya.  It was so sweet seeing how excited the family was to have this opportunity to go to their favorite place in the world. Sophie and Oscar talked about it for days leading up to it. Sophie had her swimsuit and outfit picked out, and her beach bag packed before I even really understood where we were going. It turned out to be a fabulous day!

One thing that continues to break my heart is the way some people here live. Being in a third world country, you never know what you are going to see next. One house may be a few boards or pieces of metal nailed together filled with naked and hungry children, but less than a mile away, there are people living in complete luxury… unbelievable mansions. It continues to amaze me how unaware people are of the poverty around them. On the way home from the beach, our car broke down right across from a small shack. Outside children were running and playing barefoot in the dirt with their only clothing torn and shredded against their frail bodies. The joy on their faces was amazing, despite the poverty they were living in. As we sat on the side of the road, I watched as Sophie observed what was happening. She had her head phones in, her tablet in one hand, and her cell phone in the other, with her brand new sparkly sandals on her feet. As the smell began to reach us, and flies began to swarm, she began asking me questions. “Those kids aren’t even wearing shoes! You mean they do not have TV? Sometimes they do not have food? What about a shower?” She seemed to be absolutely horrified at what she was seeing, as if she had never seen anything like it. She only lives a couple miles away from families and villages like this, and really has no idea of how deep the poverty runs, even after  living here 15 years. 

And then I began to wonder… is it really any different in the States?

We may not live in a third world country, but there is still poverty consuming the US. Whether it is financial poverty... spiritual, emotional, addiction, abuse... We grow up assuming we live in a perfect country, or that we need to leave the United States to bring hope to hurting people. The reality of it is... it is everywhere. People in need of a saving grace, but we do not even recognize it right in front of our eyes. 

We are so consumed with what we have, want, and need that we have no idea of the pain and suffering that is all around us.